Become The One To Find The One, with Allana Pratt, Ep #102
In this episode of the Peter O. Estévez Show, we have intimacy expert Allana Pratt. Allana is the author of six books, has a podcast, and has the world’s first partnering app, HeartMates. She’s all over the place on the internet and social media. I heard her live on Instagram on a drive home, and I knew I had to bring her into the community. You’ll want to listen to her wisdom, knowledge, and expertise.
What is HeartMates?
Allana’s partnering app is based on the premise that she and her clients used to be empty. For her, her worth was based on getting someone’s approval and attention so that she could feel whole. One day she realized: If I’m empty and always finding my source of worth from the outside, I’m never going to get there. She didn’t want to admit how deeply insecure she was inside. She’d accomplished so much in her life but didn’t want to face how humiliating it was to admit being insecure.
As soon as Allana started to do the work on herself, she realized that she needed to stop blaming others and look at herself. She needed to have compassion for herself. She had to acknowledge the needs of her younger self. As a child, she never learned how to feel safe from the inside out. She had never formed a relationship with her wobbly parts. Her worth and her accomplishments had always rolled into one. As she dug deeper, she discovered that the person she’d always needed approval from was herself.
Never alone
Allana believes that we never need to be alone. We’re surrounded by energy, love, nature, and the divine and just need to choose to be brave enough to connect. That’s why Allana calls herself an intimacy expert. To her, intimacy includes lovemaking. Self-worth is about being vulnerable, transparent, and honest with ourselves and with the divine so that we can be that with our beloved. We can be that person with our kids, colleagues, and everyone. This is how she chooses to live.
Using self-care to see others
When we become “the one,” we often forget self-care. We look outside for another person to make us happy and don’t do what it takes to be present. Instead, we need to be sure to come to a relationship full and give from the overflow. If we go into a relationship empty, we’re cranky, hear the worst, and don’t give our best selves. When our hearts are open, it makes communication so much easier. When we train ourselves to look at the world with the perspective of emptiness and closure, we teach ourselves to see each other’s hearts.
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